Monday, 15 July 2013

I Have Trouble Coping with the Fact that I'm Technically an Adult.

Things I am allowed to do:

  • Have a job
  • Drive
  • Get married
  • Vote
  • Not go to school if I don't want to
  • Drink and smoke (But who would smoke?  That's gross)
  • Buy fireworks
  • Live on my own
Things I am not allowed to do:
  • Rent a car
As you can see, I am at that age where I am allowed to do pretty much anything.

I'm an adult!  So why don't I feel like one?

Perhaps it's because I've gone my whole life, in spite of being told that I need to grow up, act my age, be more responsible, or having my grade nine french teacher tell the class that we are "les petits adultes,"  I've never actually needed to be an adult.  Grown-ups have always dictated my life.  They continue to do so.  People my age say, "Your parents can't control what you do anymore, you're an adult!"  Whether or not they control me, I still live with them, so I feel like they do.  You may think the easy solution would be to just move out, but it's not that easy.  Really, I could afford to live on my own, especially if I had housemates, but I could only just afford it and I wouldn't have any money for myself, and that's no fun.  Why would I do that when I can live with my parents and pay nothing for a roof over my head?

Teachers are another reason why I have trouble feeling like an adult.  To any of my readers who may be in junior high or middle school, your teachers will tell you that your teachers in high school will not baby you.  This is a lie.  They treat you relatively the same.  They're still soft and lenient and will still contact your parents like you're a small child.  The only difference is that you're less likely to get a detention for not having your homework done.  I guess that is their way of treating you like an adult: your punishment is a low grade rather than getting your recess taken away, and perhaps you won't pass the year, unlike in junior high where you'll pass if you have a birthday.  Even university professors aren't as tough as high school leads you to believe.  

What worries me is that these feelings of not-being-an-adult carried over into my university life.  In my history class, that I didn't do so well in, I always worried that the school or my professor would get in touch with my parents.  That was silly, why would they do that?  That's not even a thing.  I feel like that at work too, like maybe if I don't pick well enough or fast enough, my supervisor will call home.  What the hell Taylor, that's not going to happen.  I don't think the police would even talk to my parents if I was in trouble (not that I'd ever be in trouble with the police).

Can someone please tell me when I'm going to feel like a grown up?  Even silly things, like this morning when my bagel got caught in the toaster, my first thought was, "unplug the toaster and get a grown up to help you.  Never try to get the toast out of the toaster on your own."  Then I realized, wait, I don't need Mum to help me, I'm a grown up!

Maybe I don't really know what it means to be an adult.  Sometimes I think to myself, "Ok Taylor, it's time to grow up and be an adult," but I never think about what I'm going to do to be an adult.  Then I realize I'm wearing onesie jammies with feet, or eating Dunkaroos, or that my favourite TV shows include The Magic School Bus and Scooby-Doo.

I don't know guys, it's something I think about a lot, and sometimes feel upset about, and I needed to vent a little.

No comments:

Post a Comment