Thursday, 12 February 2015

When You're Both Single and Sick on Valentine's Day

It's not like you were going anywhere anyway.

1.  Lie in bed in self pity.  You're sick.  You don't want to get out of bed anyway.

2.  Your mum would say you can't eat chocolate because you're sick.  But she would say drink tea.  Fortunately, this exists:

3.  Being holed up in your room means you have more time to (and a better excuse for) binge-watching sappy movies.  Or maybe something less sappy because the sight of romance makes you even more nauseous than you already are.  Fight Club.  You should definitely just watch Fight Club.

4.  It's a good thing no one is going to bring you roses, because you can't smell them anyway.


That's true, Elsa, but could you maybe bring your ice powers over here?  The only hottie near me is my fever.

6.  No need to partake in any sort of anti-Valentine's activities.  Because that's still partaking in this gross day.

7.  You can still drown your sorrows in booze.  Ok, maybe not drown, but have one drink.  Thanks, asapSCIENCE!

8.  This is the only bae you need to worry about (Oh god, I said "bae."  I MUST be sick).

9.  Screw it, eat chocolate anyway.

10.  And remember, single or not, sick or not, Flaca and Maritza perfectly nailed the definition of love.
"It's like getting into a bath, but the water is like warm chocolate pudding, and The Smiths are playing, there's a light that never goes out.  Oh, there's a warm lighting all over and there's like five dudes massaging you."


  1. Valentine's Day is way to commercialized. Those of us that are single, we tend to hate it. Those people out there that are not, they tend to spend too much money and always worry "Did I do enough?" Adds too much stress to the day when it is suppose to be about romance and relaxation. Days like that, I prefer to find work to do and just bury my head and let the world go by.

    I do hope you are feeling better and that you don't watch Fight Club too many times because what is the number one rule of Fight Club? We don't need you to be talking about it or we might have to do something about that.

    Eat chocolate, drink tea, have a drink, stay in bed all warm and coozy, and rest. You will feel better in no time. That combination works well to cure all that ails you.

    1. *too *supposed *cozy
      Grade: D-
      Please revise unnecessary comment before submission.

  2. I also hear peppermint in coffee is helpful when a person is feeling run down With a cold.

    Sorry for the poor grammar. Too much of a hurry. A D- is too generous.

    Hope you are feeling better soon.